Grace

I've never been able to fully understand God's grace. Yesterday, I fell back into a habitual sin I havent attempted in years and I felt ashamed. Where most people regret or feel bad for their wrong actions, I felt the world's weight of dissappointment and judgement. For those of you that don't know, I am my worst critic. As a child, I did not need punishment, because the punishment I was giving myself was so much worse. I never needed anyone to provide consequences, because the consequences in my head were so upsetting. Then, there is grace. My head knowledge tells me that My God loves me unconditionally, My head knowledge continues to tell me that My God suffered for my sins on the cross and that I don't need to feel shame for my sins. So why do I? Why can't I accept Grace?

Jesus poured out his blood for the forgiveness of sins. I need to accept this again with my heart to believe that while I was not worthy, Jesus did it anyways. Grace is something I just experienced recently and yet I am so quick to forget. In spite of resigning and backing down from a teaching position, God provided peace and joy to fill my heart.

Today, I have the privilege to go on two interviews and I feel so unworthy of either of them. So, I am choosing to lay down the lies that surround me and believe that it is not about what we do or don't do, My God loves me UNCONDITIONALLY and blesses his children even if they don't deserve it. It is not about my works, but in God's grace he provides.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9