Anticipation

This past week has been difficulty in many ways.

#1 While I've been going at a energy level of 40-50% over Christmas break, it was difficult to then be functioning at 100%.

#2 The early wake ups and late nights are a killer..for some reason I get really tired around 5-6 but do not nap for fear of not falling asleep at night, but then the tiredness passes and I get my second wind at 9-10 at night.

#3 I have had a nightly activity that has kept me out until 9 every night this week

#4 I sprained my left foot earlier in the week and was forced to hobble around on the only good foot I have left...everyone else thinks I'm being over dramatic, hence no doctor visits

#5 My nephew, Drew, is staying with us all weekend through Tuesday, so I will not be resting, relaxing or any of the sort to refuel.

#6 The weather dramatically altered my lovely hour ride to work to make it 2hrs and 15 minutes HOME one night and a 1hr and 30 minutes to Work the next day...Oh SNOW!

#7 Grocery shopping on a sprained foot for an 1hr.

With all of these so called challenges during the week, I have been broken down. I have found myself wounded up in tears several times over these challenges and anticipation which I will discuss in a minute. I just feel that the transition from nothing to everything was to quick and I was unable to respond. I was unable to cope, so I just resulted in tears that released the stress, emotion, and defeat I was feeling.

But I can't choose to be defeated, I must find strength and energy in my Savior. I need to be filled with the Spirit.

This brings me to my anticipation. During Break, I began to realize that my world is quickly going to change, no I'm not having a baby, but I am taking 2 grad classes on top of working full time. Now I'm a busy person, but this seems like an overwhelming challenge. As I look into the future, I see no rest, no free time, my world will be work, come home read and write papers. I got the information for my first class and I don't even know how I am going to keep up with this first class demand work load, let alone when this other class comes along. But I can't stress, it won't make the situation any better. I can't worry, it won't change what is. So I am forced to wait, wait for the fast shooting bullet that is headed my way and I can't do anything to stop or get it to change direction. That is the worst feeling to see something bad about to happen and not be able to fix it. I feel that is where the additional feelings are really the result of.

So I write this on my last day of freedom, because I do not know when I will be able to come up for air again and breathe, but I will leave reflecting on this:

"Faith is living without scheming. It is obeying God in spite of feelings, circumstances, or consequences, knowing He is working out His perfect plan in His ways and in His time." Warren W. Wiersbe

I'm along for the ride, I just need to hold on tight and trust