God's Precious Gifts

Recently I was reminded just how much God cares for me...


On Monday I was assigned to a middle school. You can understand my apprehension about retreating back into a middle school classroom after my last experience, but I went into the school telling myself this will be different. I started at the office, where I learned that there was no substitute plans left by the teacher at all. So now I am teaching 7th grade and have no plans, great, I thought to myself, they are really leading me towards failure, but I simply looked at the secretary and said, "I will figure something out". Appearing to have confidence has always been something I am very good at to strangers, while on the inside my mind is racing as to what I, a Language Arts major, am going to do for 4 blocks of 7th grade science. I entered the loud and crazy classroom to find another teacher that was holding the fort until I arrived. He quickly suggested a game plan that I hated and quickly said, "Thank you". I was determined to choose what I wanted to do since nothing was left for me. Trying to gain authority over the students who seemed to be shouting out, ignoring me and I believe I heard some "meowing" I did manage to calm them down. It was a breath of relief that I never remember having at my other job.

I put the students right to work seeing if they would actually do it, and for the most part they did. I told myself that I would start with authority and power when the next class walked in, I was determined to get it off on the right foot. I remember middle school, they see a sub and starting cheering with joy and the torturous things they could do to them. However to my dismay in walks a few familiar faces, my old students that I taught during my student teaching. They even recognized me. What joy overcame me to have conversations and hug students that I taught 3 years ago. God truly does care for me and wanted to show me by placing these students paths in my life. Word spread that I was in this classroom and several more came to say hi, and God granted me the ability to remember all of their names.

Thankful..

Reflecting on this Thanksgiving there is so many things to be thankful for. Trying to push my mind past the obvious family, friends, shelter, and food. I am trying to think of specific events and experiences that happened this year that I am thankful for. So, here is my list:

1. I am thankful for teaching at Warrendale for two weeks. It taught me a lot of who I am as a teacher.

2. I am thankful for having a job in Michigan. I realize now more than ever that it is truly a privilege I should not take for granted.

3. I am thankful for being a building substitute because it has taught me humbleness I would not have had any other way.

4. I am thankful for my husband because he stretches my mind, heart and soul to be more like Christ. He helps calm my spirit when I stress out over making rolls.

5. I am thankful for living so close to my Mom and Dad who we can love on and have compassion for. We eat dinner, share supplies and stop by often.

6. I am thankful for remaining close with my friends in the Carolinas..I am so blessed to continue to have such encouraging people in my life, especially when I call often and stress out

7. I am thankful for having a church that speaks truth into my life, love having my small group

8. I am thankful for having family to celebrate Thanksgiving with today

9. I am thankful for vacations with friends-Myrtle Beach, Wine Vineyards, trip home to Michigan to see Anna

10. I am thankful for my home that took 2 months to find..I love that I have more space than a 12X12 room and I get to enjoy this home with my husband.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

A hair cut that has gone wrong

So 6 months ago I ventured into unknown territory, I got a perm. I went to a stylist that recently permed my good friends hair and I obsessed over it for months. I gained up enough courage to get one myself. While I squirmed with anxiousness as they coated my hair with the terrible smelling solution, I hoped that my hair would turn out O.K. To my surprise, I loved it. It was loose curls that I have wanted my whole life. I enjoyed this hairdo for 6 months. However, I came to a crossroads where I needed to decide what to do next. I decided to brave the terrible smell once again and perm my hair. The nervousness however was not there. I knew what I wanted, I brought in pictures, and explained very clearly, (LOOSE CURLS and largest rollers) the one unknown variable a different hairstylist, not brand new, my hairstylist back home in Michigan, perfectly capable of being trusted. So, I am sitting in the chair, anxiously awaiting my loose awesome curls and then she took off the towel and I saw the massacre that was my hair. In the mirror in front of me was a crimped 90s version of a perm. The one that is so tight, it's almost ringlets. My mind began to race, the damage has been done, what am I to do. I went home with my mind racing. What am I going to do? So I did what any normal girl would do when they feel their hair has been ruined by their hairstylist, I cried and cried. Then, I started crying because I was getting this upset about hair, something I have always claimed I don't care that much about, but here I am crying over my 90s crimp, no curl, crimp. I spared you an actual picture, because I am not ready to face anyone yet, but I did supply you with a picture of how I believe the disaster to look. To top it all off, I can not wash or alter my hair for 48 hours and I get to enjoy the horrid, gagging perm smell for the next 48 hours. I know I will survive, but it still hurts. I am hoping to get past my wallowing and accept what has been done.

Decisions, Decisions

My husband and I both share the passion of traveling. We desire to see as much of the world as we can before we die. We feel that God's creation is so amazing, we want to take in every piece of it. Some people spend money on electronics, furniture or the latest and greatest things, we choose to save and go on vacation. For the past two years, we have been saving to take a trip to Europe. We were going to travel to England, France and Italy. However, recently our church had a worldwide celebrations event to showcase the amazing things God is doing around the world and it really tugged at our hearts. There are several short term missions trips available and we are considering spending our travel money to serve God in Thailand or India and forgo our Europe trip. However, which place to attend is the tricky part. Both amazing countries, both would be building orphanages for children. Thailand is in January and India is in February, I believe. Just recently we choose to sponsor a girl, from the orphanage my sister-in-law helped build, Boolo, is her name and she is 12, so precious. Any thoughts on which country we should go to???

Still in prayer and excited to serve...

Isn't It Ironic??

So I have a large fear of needles. I know this is kind of a problem when it comes to having a baby, trust me I've been dealing with that thought for years. But this always means that I do not under any circumstances give blood or get a flu shot. And as you can imagine as a teacher, I am around children with runny noses, touching, germs everywhere. So, like almost every year I came down with the flu. I do not recall it being this painful. I could not get the correct body temperature to save my life yesterday and today as I got my first day of meds, I got sick off of them. When I called the pharmacy to ask why I just got sick, they told me I was not supposed to take the meds together. Friends quote for a moment " THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX, IN BIG BOLD LETTERS". It doesn't say anywhere. Needless to say that as I am growing up, I am starting to contemplate this whole 2 seconds of pain for the 3 days of bed rest/sick. I said considering, I haven't made up my mind yet as to the large, sharp needle that will pierce my skin. Well, for now I am a helpless creature lying in the basement, because I have been quarantine by my parents, and can not help work on my house.

Life Lessons in Kindergarten

I have spent the week subbing in Kindergarten and while I have almost lost my sanity and mind I have learned many life lessons.

#1 Peeing in your pants is socially acceptable in Kindergarten, even when you don't tell the teacher you have to g0

#2 Boogers hanging out of your nose, just leave them there

#3 Tapping on someone's leg gets you immediate attention

#4 When someone asks if there is questions, always raise your hand and tell them a story

#5 Kids are unable to sit in a seat for longer than 5 minutes.

This experience has taught me patience, understanding and the worry that my children may turn out like some of these students one day.

Walking with Blinders On

So, have you ever been so busy living your life that you don't process what is all happening? For the past couple months, my life has been in a state of chaos and instability. Now, as it is all coming to an end I am starting to realize what actually took place. I'm starting to get mad, sad and happy all at the same time. I begin to cry when so much as a wrong look is given to me. No I'm not pregnant and I'm not on my period. I think my emotions are just starting to catch up with my life and I'm starting to process what has taken place. Soon enough, I will get to rejoin my husband and live together, free of parents. Soon enough, we will have fellowship and accountability. Soon enough, I will be back in the classroom, inspiring students to be life long learners. However, until this happens I will trust God with my desires and fulfill personal goals. As soon as we get our house, (on Friday) My first goal is to start cooking meals for my family and LIKE IT :) and the second is to start cleaning my house again and LIKE IT :). My third goal is to create a pleasant living environment that is warm and inviting. Wish me luck as I try to accomplish these goals.

Anticipation

How is it that the thing you are most anxious about and that causes you the most amount of stress and anxiety is the one thing you can't seem to jump right in and do???

I have wanted to start planning for my lesson observation for 4 days now and every time I think about sitting down to write it I can't seem to do it. I have spent countless hours thinking about which book I am going to use and what standard I am going to cover but it took me forever to get started.

I'm not quite sure why I am so anxious about it. If nothing else, I feel the most comfortable teaching literacy and being able to teach 3rd grade. So what exactly is making me on edge? Is it the worry of what happens if I get the job? Or what happens if I don't get the job? Maybe my body is sick of always being on edge with these countless job interviews. Don't get me wrong, I am so eternally grateful for every opportunity God has provided for me. I just feel that my body is on constant standby. I have no permanent residence, no permanent job and it has been like this for 3 months. My body wants to let out that breath its been holding for 90 days.

Hopefully by November, I will feel the sigh of relief, until then..I am working hard and keeping straight on the path towards following hard after God, to him be the glory.

Passed!

My official last day of freedom was yesterday. I start working at Wixom as a building sub on Monday and my first task is to help prepare for the MEAP. I also found out that I made it to round 2 with my other interview. I have to preform a lesson and hold a second interview on Tuesday. I wonder how many rounds there are???

So excited for today, Julie came home to see my house and have sister time. I'm glad that I live close enough now to see her often. Larry is golfing with dad. Life is good. My little interior designer is here to decorate/design for my new house.

Enjoy the sun today Michiganders!!

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

I have officially accepted a permanent building sub position at Wixom Elementary School in Walled Lake. This means that I will report everyday to Wixom Elementary to fill in for a teacher or help assist teachers around the building. I hope to be reporting soon. Awaiting paperwork.

In other Good News, we are closing October 30th on our house, just in time to pass out candy to the kiddies and meet new neighbors.

GOD IS GOOD!!!!

"I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths" Psalm 31:1

ANXIOUS

In the past 24 hours, I got a job interview, went on a job interview and got a job offer....anxious would be my emotion for the moment. I was offered a permanent building sub position in Walled Lake. I was praising my God for providing opportunities after my resignation. I was praising him for opportunities that allow me to be a part of a school community. But I am anxious......Anxious about the job, about the orientation I have to attend tomorrow, about forwarding my fingerprints from my old employer, but also about the future...I feel as though there is more...what can this be???

I am anxious about our house. I have become Ms. Interior Design decorator. I'm dreaming up curtain idea, color palettes, and reinventing my neutral color house. I can't wait.

I will choose to be calm and trust....

Answered Prayer

The past couple days I have had very specific prayers. The first was for my 2 interviews I had on Wednesday. I was praying for open doors and for God to show me my purpose and his next placement to serve. The first interview I had was to substitute teach in Troy. Since I had been a classroom teacher for two years, they saw favor in me and started my paperwork to sub. The second interview was for a part time Math intervention teacher in Novi. This would have been a great job for me in 5 years, however, only being able to work part time and driving an hour there and back everyday would have been very difficult for me to do, but given an opportunity very hard to turn down. I left super excited and super torn. I told God that if he wanted me to have this job to push me through to the second round, but if this isn't my right placement, close the door now and he answered within hours. God has more in store for me than a part-time, YEAH :).

Yesterday, we had our house inspection. I didn't really know how to feel going into the inspection. I was excited to see our house, since I was forgetting the intricate details of the inside. But, I was also nervous as to what the inspector might find. Larry and I were praying for the inspection to go smoothly and I was praying that we would not find damage over 10,000 that we would have to do right away. Our inspector was the sweetest man ever and kept using the phrase "Bless your heart" which I enjoyed thoroughly from my southern past. He walked around and examined every nook and cranny. Yes we did find little things wrong with the house but no life threatening cases. I felt a wave of emotion as this man is telling me this house which I have grown to love so dearly, has little minor problems such as little cracks and drips. I felt for the first time what a true homeowner must feel. Yes, I have owned a home before, but I felt that I was able to live truly as a guest. A true homeowner wants to care, treat, maintain and grow in the home they choose. That is what I want with this house. Our criteria for houses this time around was very different than our first house and while that scares me that I may regret not having certain upgrades or decorative unique traits, I'm excited to transform this house into a home for a long time with lots of room to grow ;)

Praise God for answered prayers!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Grace

I've never been able to fully understand God's grace. Yesterday, I fell back into a habitual sin I havent attempted in years and I felt ashamed. Where most people regret or feel bad for their wrong actions, I felt the world's weight of dissappointment and judgement. For those of you that don't know, I am my worst critic. As a child, I did not need punishment, because the punishment I was giving myself was so much worse. I never needed anyone to provide consequences, because the consequences in my head were so upsetting. Then, there is grace. My head knowledge tells me that My God loves me unconditionally, My head knowledge continues to tell me that My God suffered for my sins on the cross and that I don't need to feel shame for my sins. So why do I? Why can't I accept Grace?

Jesus poured out his blood for the forgiveness of sins. I need to accept this again with my heart to believe that while I was not worthy, Jesus did it anyways. Grace is something I just experienced recently and yet I am so quick to forget. In spite of resigning and backing down from a teaching position, God provided peace and joy to fill my heart.

Today, I have the privilege to go on two interviews and I feel so unworthy of either of them. So, I am choosing to lay down the lies that surround me and believe that it is not about what we do or don't do, My God loves me UNCONDITIONALLY and blesses his children even if they don't deserve it. It is not about my works, but in God's grace he provides.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Commitment Issues

My whole life I'm always searching for the next big adventure. I've had the privilege of living in 4 cities in Michigan and a different state. I'm entering this next phase of my life where I am grounding myself for the next 10-15 years. We recently purchased a house in Troy. When I think about my house, I think of updating and reinvating and many years to come in this home. I'm excited for the memories of holidays and babies and working on a house together. However, when reality sinks in, I realize that my heart wants our house to look fantastically glamorous right now and the idea of waiting 10-15 years for changes makes me sad. That is why I am trusting God with my finances to provide what we need. I have started making my needs vs. wants list. Hopefully, my heart and mind will settle with little projects over time.

Life's newest challenge

In the past month, I started a new challenge. I accepted a position with a charter school to teach middle school. However, within the first week of this job it became clear that this job has become unhealthy for me spiritually, emotionally and physically. I soon realized that my beliefs about teaching and the system in which this school is operating were two different things and if I continued to stay I would be fighting this system. In my beliefs, students need to be engaged and learning and respect needs to be present. After many lies and fears of failure and prayers for God to reveal himself and my place in this position, I felt that the best thing for me to do was to resign. Since then, I am continuing to learn from this experience about middle school students and how I can improve as a teacher. I still love students, enough to know that if I continued my position, I may not love what I do any longer. I am currently searching and praying for my place in this world. A place to love others and humbly serve. So many passions come to mind kids, photography, babies, school, and people, but only God knows which direction I will go. I am hoping to trust in the plan's God has for me.

"Thought that I was all alone,

Broken and afraid,

But You were there with me,

Yes, You were there with me.

And I didn't even know,

That I had lost my way,

But You were there with me

Even though the journey's long

And I know the road is hard

Well, the One who's gone before me

He will help me carry on

After all that I've been through

Now I realize the truth

That I must go through the valley To stand upon the mountain of God"

~Third Day

My story so far

Click here to watch a video of my life so far...

Identity

The past week, my head has been clouded with thoughts of who am I? What am I contributing to the world? What is my purpose? I had to trust that my identity is in Jesus and that no matter what I do, I will do it for him. He will lead and direct my path.

God has opened up a door for me to teach 8th grade Language Arts. With this decision came joy and peace, knowing that I was called to do this. Now, I am in Grand Rapids for the week for New Teacher Training. In so many ways, I feel like a new teacher. I am having to learn new processes, programs and classroom management for a whole different age group.

I am choosing daily, per minute and sometimes per second to trust in God Almighty. Overwhelming feelings have hit and I am faced with many decisions, I am unsure how to make. God will provide.

Are We there Yet?

I had quite an eventful drive from South Carolina to Michigan. Larry and I both drove our cars full of our stuff up north to Michigan. We drove 6 hours one day and 5 hours the next. I believe it was the most I have ever drove in 2 days. GO ME!!! It was loooooooonnnnnggg and boring following the same SUV for several hours. Not to mention, I almost hit countless deer, got flicked off several times and reflected in the car about how much I am going to miss S.Carolina.

Now, I am in MICHIGAN, and in the city of tomorrow, today big Ol' T-ROY! It doesn't really feel like we moved, it feels like we packed way too much for a long vacation. Its odd going from 2,306 sq. ft in our house to a 12 x 12 room that is now my home for the next month. I am remembering the things I love about Michigan though. I have felt a cool breeze for the first time in 2 years. The one that almost gives you chills, but not quite. I am loving seeing my mom and dad. It feels so good to give them hugs and have a face to face conversation.

Larry starts his new job tomorrow. I am praying for him, that he could rise above and meet the challenges that he may face at Corporate. This is a new job in a new area, where he will have to start over. I know that with God, Larry can achieve his dreams.

Tomorrow, begins more schoolwork. I am waiting for the freedom that will come on Wednesday when my grad schools are done for the semester.

Well, I will keep you posted as to my adventure.

Reflection on South Carolina

Such little time and so much to do! I find myself staring at the clock a lot this week. I feel it is because I usually follow it with where did all the time go. But really, time is never going to be on my side, it is what I am doing with that time that is important. God entrusts us with his timing and his purpose.

I have two days until I move to Michigan. It feels like yesterday I just left. I remember how excited I was to move down to South Carolina and fufill my journey. I hope and trust that I have completed what God had in store for me. Looking around at the table last night at all of the people that have influenced my life in the past two years, I was in awe. Larry and I were truly blessed with great friends, mentors, life influencers, good listeners, and supporters.

Favorite Memories in S.C.
*meeting with Becky and Tony for dinner

*Going to Zumba with Jill and Amanda

*Friends quotes and teaching with Stamie

*Seeing the smiling faces of our small group every Thursday night (loved having a house full of people every week)

*My students

*Friendships that I built with girls in my small group

*Meeting Amanda - my sister from another mother

*New River- great place to be filled

*Charlotte Knights Games

* great conversations with Jill

*Becky/Jill- support

*Going to Uptown concert

*T-Bones

*Chick-fila/Sonic/Harry and Jeans

*Teaching at Cotton Belt

I MISS YOU ALL OF THESE THINGS :(

The lies I am believing...

I am so quick to listen to the voices in my head. The voices that tell me:

*If this is God's plan, how come everything isn't going smoothly
* You are loosing money

*You may never teach again

*This is too hard, you shouldn't do it

*Can you get out of it?

*Why aren't you at peace?

*GOd's will Amanda, are you sure you are in it?

But then there is truth speaking to me, the small voice caled the Holy Spirit, that stirs quietely within me, to let me know.. GOD IS WITH ME

GOd is my comforter, healer, restorer, Prince of Peace, returning to Michigan to follow his purpose.

Our goals and visions for Michigan:

*Starting and Finishing Grad School

*Amanda working

*Starting a Family

*Buying a house

*babysitting my niece Anna and nephews Ian and Aaron

*Spending time with my sister Julie

*Spending time with my other sister Emily

*Spending time with my parents and In-laws

*Visiting Upper Michigan

*Seeing College Friends

*Spending time with Family and Friends (our purpose)

I put my life in God's hands.. I will choose to trust

My Vision

My prayer is that this picture may be one of many to come. Photography is a passion of mine and I hope to pursue it in the future. I need determination which I sort of have, money which I don't hardly have enough of, and an artful eye which I'm still working on. I am seeking a professional who will take pity on me and teach me their ways.

Faith of a mustard seed

Why is it that I was so confident about my faith in God in good times when I am comfortable. But the minute my job is taken, I start to crumble. My security and hope is in Jesus however I still get caught in the details. My prayer is for strength, faith of a mustard seed and peace within the unknown.

My future is with Him Always

Lent

As Lent is quickly approaching, I'm trying to decide what area of my life do I need to work on/change. A few areas that I am contiplating are:

**Give up T.V. watching

**Give up Fast Food

**Pursue placing my thoughts on my blog/photography

Unsure still, but glad to be talking through my thoughts once again. Well I better go and watch the Bachelor, then 24 while I still can.

Be strong and courageous in Jesus.